A graceful breakup: is it possible?
“The lying, cheating husband sale”. A Canadian woman made headlines recently when she offloaded her husband’s possessions “while he is gone… with his floozie.” She placed an ad trumpeting the event, and offered, at no additional cost, for patrons to see her cheating spouse’s clothes. More specifically, the ashes of his clothes. In the driveway.
You can’t deny her impact—she vowed he would return to a near-empty house.
But it begs the question: is there a graceful way to break up with someone, or tell a spouse you want a divorce? I recall the campus lore of a scorned girlfriend whose live-in partner kicked her out when he’d met someone new. Her response was both creative and creepy: she took days to sew shrimp into the lining of the living room curtains… each time a breeze blew, the apartment filled with the scent of rotting shellfish.
As hard (or just plain awkward) as it can be, a Savvy Girl has “the talk”, out of respect to her soon-to-ex. She doesn’t leave without explanation or freeze him out, (unless of course, we’re talking about the presence or possibility of physical abuse). Instead, she tries to honor whatever they shared, and wherever possible, to leave things in a calm and mutually respectful way. Okay, we’re talking emotions here, so that’s a challenge – but we should aim for it.
How have you left suitors off the hook? And have you been “released” gently—or not?
Breaking up is hard to do but I really do think honesty(not brutally) is the best policy. I told my ex I was leaving and the reasons why walked out of his life got my self new clothes , a new hair do and a new image.I was reinvented for the next phase of my life!! Incidentally, I see my ex very occasionally, and we are on speaking terms and I do wish him well as he does me.
Aurora
I agree, Aurora. There’s nothing like a makeover to usher in some welcome change and give us a boost as we embrace a new chapter, regardless of who broken up with whom.
That said, I totally get the lounging-around phase first: curling up on the sofa in pajamas, watching bad rom-coms and reading trashy magazines (oh wait, I do that in good times, too).
Good on you for making the call, and it’s great to hear you’ve both moved on and wish each other well.
Cheers,
Alicia
There’s times I could have done better, been more sensitive in my 20s when it came to break ups / ending holiday romances. What can I do about it now…..wish them the best or check them out on FB to see what happened to them? A bit of both is fun. Applies to friendships past too.
I know what you mean, Marie. We can’t turn the clock back, but all’s not lost if we simply learn something from it. And good point that it applies to friendships too, not just romance!
Thanks, always lovely to see your name in the inbox.
Alicia
Hmmm. Well, I’m definitely not following the Savvy Girl rules on either of these break-up stories (in fact, I’m breaking them), but here goes:
The most recent break-up (with a guy I dated very un-seriously for a couple of months – turns out he was ready to walk down the aisle and knock me up, ASAP) involved me not responding to his texts or calls, ever. Until he got the point. However, this did follow a conversation in which I inventoried in detail every thing I thought was wrong about ‘us’… or more specifically ‘him’ (AKA his insane mother). Hopefully that works as a “talk”.
The most story-worthy break-up involved a guy I dated and lived with for 3.5 years, until I was 22 (too young, I know!). We basically hated each other toward the end. I woke up early one Sunday morning to go run a half marathon (as you do), saw his phone plugged in in the kitchen, and scrolled through the messages (as you do), only to find very inappropriate texts back and forth between him and his ex girlfriend. Me, in my marathon gear, bib on and everything, stormed into the bedroom, jumped on the bed, kicked him (nudged with my foot?) to wake him up, looked him in the eyes, held his phone in the air, smashed it on the headboard, and yelled, “That’s it! We’re done! We’re over! We’re breaking up!” I cheerily left for the race, and proceeded to run my fastest half marathon to date. I also saw friends watching runners along the route and yelled (at more than one): “I broke up with ____ this morning!” in the happiest voice ever. Needless to say, they were a bit confused. A bit dramatic, yes, but I was 22. I’ve mellowed significantly in the last 7 years. 🙂
The weirdest part of both, I think, is that they have the same name. So I have now excluded one name from my ‘people I can date in the future’ list of names.
🙂 Happy Sunday!
Jane, you have the making of a movie here – Bridget Jones, move over! I’d love to see the scene where you tell him it’s over, then cut to you cheerily running a marathon…everyone around you flagging, you buoyant and smiling as you announce to your friends that it’s over!
Thanks for sharing these,
Alicia
Loved this post! It reminds me of the time my mom got so tired of my dad asking for fish on Fridays, she left a frozen one on his pillow. They both laughed and stayed married. Message received, with humor.
Francie, that’s hilarious! Well, better a fish on your pillow than a horse head in your bed!
It’s got to be a world-first for frozen fish playing a role in averting a break-up! (though of course, they wouldn’t have).
Good point on sending a message with humor.
Thanks for your input!
Alicia
LOVED THIS TITLE – sounds like a Nashville hit
Simple solution:
Hit him in the head with a metal pipe in the middle of the night, in his sleep. Then move on with your life –
or
destroy his favorite shirt with your iron;
maybe the second one
so you do not go live behind bars for the rest of your life. That is the advice my auntie once gave me.
Thankfully, I never had to use it in 42 years.
I dunno that I would not have done the first…
Louisa
Louisa – you always make me laugh – and think. Absolutely, not worth brandishing a metal pipe, only to find yourself on the run, or behind bars!
But a good reminder that we always options…! 🙂
Thanks for dropping by,
Alicia