A Toast to Girlfriends.
I've been pondering the gift of Girlfriends and the roles they play in our lives. When I look back on how we met, I don't think it's a coincidence that long-lasting bonds form at pivotal moments in life—from first grade, to first jobs, Little Athletics to college or when you move to a new neighborhood. It's as though the universe recognizes that we're in an age or stage of flux, and a good friend or two will transform our experience.
Girlfriends. How would we survive without them? They listen patiently, share our tears, and make us laugh until our sides ache. They know instantly what we mean when we arch an eyebrow, invoke an ex’s name, or speak in code. They know if we’re serious about the gym, or merely floating the idea to feel better about the dessert we’re about to devour.
Then there’s the girlfriend who pledges to provide a fabulous photo to the media in the event that you go missing in the jungle or get lured into a harem (you’ll want to look captivating in captivity). One girlfriend has promised to grab my bag and never reveal it to the world; its contents are too mortifying.
I smile to recall how I met some of the women I cherish in my life: over crayons, before sprint races, during orientation, at school, work, travel of course, or simply when she was born into our family.
How did you meet some of your girlfriends? And how do you catch up when everyone’s so busy?
Hi Alicia, I have just finished reading your fabulous blog….true friends are as my daughter say’s “awesome”. I have reconnected with some amazing women through moments in time like when I decided to catch the bus that day from the city back home or when I just said “yes” to going out for dinner that ended up going for hours and luckily dinners can still go for hours…I am truly terrible at keeping up with social media but I am working on it from one text/email to another!!
Tracy, so lovely to see your name pop up!
I agree, it’s funny (or fate?) how we’ll tweak something in our day – like going home a different way one night or agreeing to an impromptu dinner – and then connections arise from these moments can shape our lives.
I know some best friends who met when one was crying at a bus stop about her boyfriend. The other suggested they go across the road for coffee – and they’re still supporting each other years later.
Please stop by any time.
Alicia
What a great topic, Girlfriends! You can’t live without them, whether it is celebrating your successes with you or being there when life challenges you.They seem to know what to say and do when life gets complicated, and even if you do get it wrong from time to time they are forgiving and don’t judge you. How special is that ?
Aurora
Hello Aurora, you hit on a really good point: Nonjudgment and a willingness to forgive when we muck up (as of course, we’re all do at some point) makes the connection all the stronger.
It especially applies to long-standing friendships, I think (and gives the newer connections a chance to grow).
Thanks for your perspective.
Alicia
Cannot imagine my life without my gal pals! All are from various areas of my life, family, school, work, but all seem to come together like one big soft snuggly blanket. And so true about them accepting you for being you. Sure toes get stepped on, feelings hurt, but the love and friendship that binds us overcome all obstacles and hardships. We lead such busy lives, but always seem to make the time to catch up and be there for each other, whatever the occasion. I have been blessed with some amazing girlfriends and would to take this opportunity to say thank you for being you!
Hey Christina, I second that!
And you make a really good point. Toes can get stepped on, or feelings trampled, but it’s so telling whether things like that will break the connection – or transcend it and make it stronger. And the image of a big snuggly blanket makes me smile – a perfect image for something comforting, and a buffer when life gets a bit overloaded.
Thanks!
Alicia
Fabulous blog Alicia, where would we be without our girlfriends or that extra special girlfriend that comes in the form of a sister! And as the years pass those true girlfriends have remained, the ones who let me be me and I hope are still around because they know that there is always a shoulder/coffee/cake to be had at mine, whether it be because they need an ear to vent or just a good gossip and chat!! I know it always makes me feel better. Long live ‘girlfriends’
“…the ones who let me be me…” – you hit the nail on the head, Jeannie. They know our strengths and weaknesses – and love us anyway. Sisters, especially. And one day, science will officially prove what we’ve known all along: problems halve with the sound of a boiling kettle.
Thanks for your encouragement!
Alicia
Girlfriends ARE the best. Truth be told, life in general has been stressful lately. Ten years ago, I never thought that at 29 I would be living in a new city, basically begging for friends (!), questioning my job, life decisions, etc. etc. etc, and wondering where to go from here.
The thing I needed most was a friend visit and Kristin arrived a few weeks ago for the weekend. She also happens to be one of my craziest friends with the BEST stories… needless to say, I laughed, partied, danced, cheered, cheers-ed, shared stories, and had the greatest weekend ever, not for a second feeling teary or bad for myself.
Kristin knew I was down and knew exactly what I needed. And that is what I got. Like you say, friends just ‘know instantly’ what you need, and the weekend she spent here really helped me put things in perspective without even talking about it at all.
Thanks for this great reminder of a post, Alicia! Resume emailing/texting/Skype-ing with my wonderful friends to remind them of how great they are… 🙂
xxoo
Hello Jane, I know what you mean – time with a girlfriend can be transformative. I’m sorry to hear it’s been full-on your side, but as sure as I am that it’s been stressful to endure, I’m equally sure that you’ll emerge at the other side. You are resourceful, creative and talented: a potent combination. You’ve navigated a new chapter with grace and in style, and any new chapter takes energy. I hope you’re being gentle to yourself as it unfolds.
Thanks for stopping by.
Alicia
WELL, there is a topic dear to my heart. As a teenager, unusual though it may seem, I always chose to have just one or two really good friends – often of mixed gender rather than many all at once. As I got older it seemed prudent to have many friends but have those same one or two really close to me for when the going got rough or the reverse, for when times were really great. Now I am a really social person – love to share and discuss things with many people in person, on-line, even in letters. This development really became important in my professional life as an early childhood educator in NY and the relationships built throughout my career are still alive and well even in retirement. BUT, when it comes to sharing my deep personal stuff, its those two or three close friends I rely on most, to this day. Just seems like that makes more sense. I now have one very close friend who was my colleague at school for many years – I dunno what I would do without her friendship and guidance! We call each other “sistah/friends”.
Louisa, your thoughtful posts always add perspective.
I think back to school and how we seemed to move around in herds of girls (a gaggle?), but you made the discovery early on that quality trumps quantity.
Sure, the wider group is fun – but as long as we have that core one or two friends, life is good. And you can’t put a price on friendship with history.
Sistah/friends – love it!
Thanks for sharing this,
Alicia
Hi Alicia I love this post too. Lovers may come and go, but friends, especially our girlfriends are so important and should be cherished! We might not see our girlfriends every day/week, but it’s great when you can reconnect without any awkward moments it feels like you saw each other yesterday. I love what Deb said too, we all have busy lives and social media helps us keep in touch, but it’s lovely to meet up for a coffee or a glass of vino and a chat. We need to make more time to do this as the days fly by and we get caught up in the mundane. Thanks Alicia for reminding me of this wonderful gift. Holly ( & Debs, lets meet up soon, always great to see you).
So true, Holly. Lovers may come and go, but there is such constancy with our girlfriends. Our memories are woven through so many shared experiences through the years.
I agree, it’s the sign of a good bond that friends may not see each other in a while, but when you do, you just pick up where you left off.
Thanks,
Alicia
What an awesome post! I felt as though we were having tea together. Your writing is so chatty and clever. My spirits were lifted at a time when I’m in the midst of winter doldrums. Thanks for being a great girlfriend to me via your post!
Hello Jean, what a kind thing to say, thank you!
And I smiled because when I’m mulling things in emails, I find myself saying, “I’m just imagining you here, having a coffee.”
Here’s to winter wrapping sooner rather than later.
Please stop by anytime,
Alicia
Thanks Alicia for this thoughtful post. It reminds me of the lovely friends (and family) that I have and that we can get so caught up in what we think are the most important things in life; working, keeping the house in order, sorting out the business of our lives that its easy to forget to connect with people meaningfully…. Yes we have the wonders of Facebook, blogs and technology in general, but there’s no substitute for a hug, eye contact, sharing stories over a coffee (or in my case a glass or two of vino!) and truly connecting. People do also grown apart and that’s natural, normal and just part of life, but memories are precious and to be cherished. You’ve inspired me today! X
Hello Debi,
Always lovely to see your name pop up! Couldn’t agree more – there’s no substitute for catching up in person.
Social media certainly helps to stay in touch, but of course it’s best to “top up” a connection, rather than sustain a friendship on its own.
And you make good point that friendships have a natural ebb and flow…and it takes grace to gently release a connection when life takes people in different directions.
Thanks again – goodnight from the other side of the pond!
Alicia x
In fact, it was your lovely sister that helped me learn many years ago that friends come and go throughout your life and it’s not always healthy to try and hold on to something that is no longer…..! X
She’s good value like that! 🙂
It reminds me of the saying:
“People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”.
Alicia x